Doubt Arc
by Jabbertalky
Summary: HavocRoy: Threepart minisaga full of doubt, hesitation, and secrets! Oh la la! Roy and Havoc will never have the perfect relationship, but when will Roy take an active role in it?
1. Doubt

Title: Doubt  
Warnings/Disclaimers: Um…no spoilers, just angst. FMA does not belong to me, no profit was made in the creation of this story.  
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Pairing: Jean Havoc/Roy Mustang  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Havoc's fear of the telephone roused him at the first ring, muffled through the walls as it was. It didn't come every night, but the midnight phone call came frequently enough to rattle Havoc's nerves.

The phone rang as they drifted to sleep, but Roy Mustang knew full well who would call him at such a late hour and slipped out of bed to answer it in his study. He tried very hard not to wake the sleeping Lieutenant, as always, but Havoc's fear of the telephone roused him at the first ring, muffled through the walls as it was. The call didn't come every night, and often they did spend the whole night curled around each other in Roy's bed, but the midnight phone call came frequently enough to rattle Havoc's nerves. He had actually relaxed, thinking the call wouldn't come that night, safe at half-past the hour. Obviously that had been premature.

Havoc shifted, pawing around the bed sheets in search of some comfort but he found none with Roy in the other room, on the phone with another man. The familiar craving began to crawl through his fingers. How many hours had passed since he last lit up? Havoc rarely smoked after sex, despite the cliché that smoking followed sex like a ritual. In fact, Havoc found that he had less need for a cigarette when he was wrapped around Roy for the night. But the bed was large and empty and Havoc needed a cigarette.

At least Roy hadn't thrown his clothes around the room. Havoc found his cigarettes and lighter and sat back down on the bed. Sometimes, when the craving crept up on him, and he was alone with Roy, Mustang would slip on a rough glove and Havoc had no need for his lighter. He knew it was somehow intimate for Roy, and could see that he took some kind of pleasure from it. Even if Havoc didn't quite grasp what that was, he savored those precious moments. He cared for Roy.

From the bedroom, Havoc couldn't understand the conversation but he could hear Roy's voice, his tone. He knew that tone. He hating hearing it showered upon another person. It made him burn with jealousy. He hoped it would end soon. The phone calls never lasted for any certain length of time. There was no telling when Roy would climb back into bed. In that, Havoc suddenly decided, lay the challenge. Could he wait out his craving? Or was he a slave to both of his addictions?

He wondered if Roy really doubted his intelligence, for even if he wasn't brilliant, he took notice of the world around him. Roy had seduced him. Havoc knew what games Roy played to win someone's affections. He enjoyed the subtle tactics when they focused on him. Did Roy think that Havoc wouldn't notice on those phone calls late at night?

Havoc gripped the sheets to keep his hands from shaking, mostly because he was denying himself a precious nicotine fix, but also because he didn't want to hurt so fucking much. From the sound of Roy's voice, the conversation was going to last for a while that night. From the slight tilt of the room, Havoc wasn't. He felt so tired of dealing with Roy's flirtations. No one knew, and Roy kept up the pretense.

The more Havoc thought about it, the more he needed to simply give in. He began to pull on his uniform, forcing himself to take his time. If Roy finished with his phone call, Havoc could climb back into bed, but if not, he could step out for a smoke. Roy wouldn't take that long, would he?

He took a long time you seduce you, dummy, Havoc reminded himself. He accidentally knocked his lighter off the bed somewhere between buttoning his shirt and pulling on a boot. Roy had been talking but the clatter made him pause. Havoc leaned down to pick it up, listening carefully for the goodbye tone and the faint click of the phone meeting the receiver. They didn't come. Roy continued. So did Havoc.

His boots were tied and laced when he heard Roy's voice fill with annoyance. Hughes had probably brought up his angelic daughter. Havoc hoped that it was over. His hands had trembled through each button and each shoelace.

Make another sound, he told himself. Do something.

Roy picked up again. Havoc felt his last shred of composure break. He couldn't stay and listen to Roy's unrequited affection for Hughes. He damned well wasn't going to fall apart over a phone call. All his belongings were on his person, his rumpled military uniform, his wallet, his keys, his gun, his lighter, his cigarettes. His legs were stiff, almost refusing to carry him down the hallway to the door. Havoc made them do it. He knew Roy had to have heard, but the blood rushing in his ears shut everything out.

The night air brushed across his cheeks, whispering, lonely…lonely…stupid. And maybe he was both of those things as he lit his cigarette and started for home.


	2. Hesitation

Title: Hesitation  
Warnings/Disclaimers: Um…no spoilers, just angst. FMA does not belong to me, no profit was made in the creation of this story.  
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Pairing: Jean Havoc/Roy Mustang  
Rating: PG-13  
AN: Wow, I never tried writing serious angst while listening to music that made me want to stand up and dance spastically around the room. So inappropriate XDDD And good God, the sentence fragments and Roy will eventually kill me xx  
Summary: He truly hated waking Havoc, especially in the middle of the night. Especially when he knew he was leaving him to do something so vile and cruel. But what could he do? Roy couldn't very well live without Maes Hughes.

Roy Mustang heard the bedroom door open and sighed. He truly hated waking Havoc, especially in the middle of the night. Especially when he knew he was leaving him to do something so vile and cruel. But what could he do? Roy couldn't very well live without Maes Hughes. The knowledge tore at him each time he snuck out of bed to answer the phone, but he didn't know how to tell Havoc anything about their…tryst, let alone explain _why,_ so he slipped quietly into his office while the Lieutenant slept.

"Maes," Roy finally interrupted. "I have work tomorrow." Though, if Havoc was awake, he didn't actually count on sleeping. Roy tried to glance around the half-closed door for him, nearly missing Hughes' farewell. When he replaced the phone on the cradle, it sounded too loud and too heavy. It sounded somehow…ominous. He shut off his lamp and padded back to the bedroom, but Havoc wasn't there so he flicked on the light. His bed lay in an open, disheveled state. What caught his attention though, was that the room no longer had any trace of Jean Havoc.

At first, Roy didn't believe it, kicking around the edge of the bed for a pair of boots and checking the military coat on his chair for the proper rank. Everything belonged to Colonel Mustang. Havoc had left. And, replaying the night in his head, Roy didn't blame him.

Roy haphazardly shuffled into a pair of pants and a shirt, slipping his boots on without tying them. A moment later, he stepped out onto the street. He hoped that Havoc had headed back to his apartment or else Roy would have no idea where to find him. As it was, he had no idea how to really handle the situation. Usually, when his lovers left, he allowed them to go. He never pursued them so far as he pursued Havoc. Not that he wanted to think about that. He didn't want to consider the depth of the relationship and certainly didn't want to consider that it deepened every time he saw Havoc. 

He didn't want to consider why, every once in a while, when he knew Havoc might stop by, he unplugged the telephone. How he should have done it that night.

As he hurried down the block, Roy caught sight of his lover in the lamplight, but he still didn't know what to say. The impassive demeanor would make his trek absurd and foolishly prideful. He had no right to be angry, and he had no desire to lash out at Havoc anyway. The scent of a cigarette reached his nostrils and he knew that he had to say something to stop the man.

So Roy called his name, _Havoc, Jean._

Havoc faltered, slowed, and stopped completely without turning, took a drag on his cigarette. Roy caught up to him and gave him his space, more from his own uncertainty than a reaction to Havoc's rigid posture. When Havoc finally faced him, Roy caught a hint of surprise in his eyes. Mustang hadn't bothered with a coat and guessed that he looked slightly less than his best.

"You just left," Roy said. He knew it was wrong the moment it left his lips. It wasn't Havoc's fault. He had no right to accuse him of anything.

"Was I supposed to wait for you?" Havoc asked quietly. It hit Roy, as Havoc avoided his eyes, that Havoc didn't know enough about the situation to begin to speculate and to continue to speculate if no one set him straight. Roy didn't give him enough to let Havoc know that he _did_ care.

"No, you weren't," Roy replied. "I owe you an apology." He paused. "And, if you'd like, an explanation."

Havoc shrugged. "I could do without being lied to, sir."

"Then," Roy said. He resisted the urge to touch Havoc. "I won't lie to you, Jean. Hughes and I had something once, but it ended some time ago. I never wanted that to end, but I never wanted you to be him. I never want you to be anyone else."

Havoc looked caught between two emotions. Roy recognized one of them, the one he feared: the urge to bolt. The other defied description. Roy hoped that it was…that it was…_love_. The seconds dragged on as Havoc stared. At first, Roy tried to hide his anxiety as he usually did. Then he remembered just why he was chasing after Havoc in the middle of the night. He let it seep out slowly, but Havoc still mulled over everything in silence. And Roy felt the urge to bolt too.

Suddenly, he felt it in the air and his eyes snapped to the cigarette burning down between Havoc's fingers. Without a second thought, Roy snuffed it out before it burned the rough hand holding it. Havoc finally moved, raising the cigarette butt to meet his line of sight, then let it fall from his hand.

"Thanks, Roy," Havoc said. He reached into his front pocket, pulling another cigarette from the carton and bringing it to his lips. Roy reacted. He took his glove from his pocket, slipped it on, and snapped lightly.


	3. Unplugged

Title: Unplugged (3 of 3)  
Warnings/Disclaimers: No spoilers, FMA does not belong to me, no profit was in the creation of this story.  
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist  
Pairing: Jean Havoc/ Roy Mustang  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Jean didn't really have to knock on Roy's door, he had a small, indistinguishable key on his key ring, but as Second Lieutenant Havoc , it wasn't proper to acknowledge that he had a key within his possession. He was picking up Mustang as his chauffeur, not his date.

Jean didn't really have to knock on Roy's door, he had a small, indistinguishable key on his key ring, but as Second Lieutenant Havoc , it wasn't proper to acknowledge that he had a key within his possession. He was picking up Mustang as his chauffeur, not his date, and so he knocked. Usually Mustang was already out of his house, however after the last few nights, Havoc understood if the Colonel's schedule ran a minute or so later than usual. In so long, or course, that Lieutenant Hawkeye didn't find them too tardy. She would discipline the Colonel more harshly than Havoc, but he felt more compelled by his respect for Riza's strong character than her wrath.

"You didn't need to come to the door Lieutenant," Roy greeted. His ungloved hands were still buttoning the collar of his white shirt. Havoc smiled slightly, and though Roy didn't return it, he didn't feel too awkward, and kept smiling, Roy arched an eyebrow. "We're already running late, Jean."

"Not my fault, sir," Havoc replied, though perhaps he could take some of the blame seeing as he did keep Roy up at night, past the Colonel's bedtime. Roy looked like he was about to point that out, but Havoc did have a reason for getting out of the car. "I misplaced my wallet the other… day."

Roy's hand fell away from his throat and nodded. He stepped aside, gesturing from Havoc to enter his domain, which Havoc did, happy to do so. It was quite disappointing that they had such little time that morning. Havoc reminded himself not to think about it as he headed for Roy's study.

_Where are my pants?"_

_  
"I think they're still on my desk…" _

"Would you like a cup of coffee Lieutenant?" Roy called from behind him. Havoc smiled to himself again. Roy sounded like he wanted to forget that they didn't have time to fool around before work that morning too.

"No thank you sir, we're already running late," Havoc said. Actually, he would have liked a cup of coffee. Off ice coffee frequently scorched off his taste buds and Roy snootily bought expensive coffee. He pushed the door open and glanced around, forcibly suppressing the pleasant memories of the previous night. After all that had happened on Roy's desk though, Havoc could never look at it without a sudden lapse in proper thought process. They really had to do it again sometime.

Roy's hands surprised him when they snaked around his waist. "It suddenly occurred to me that it takes a while to change a flat tire. If the tire on the car…blew out, say, and you had to put on the spare-"

"I don't want to change any tires this morning," Havoc snorted, despite Roy laying kisses on his neck. "If you want to change the tire, be my guest."

"Come on Jean-"

"No," Havoc said firmly. Although he could have been happy with a little something before a day of endless paperwork, he did not want to kneel on the pavement under the sun to change a tire that hadn't needed to be changed. "There's my wallet."

Havoc kissed Roy quickly and pulled out of the Colonel's embrace. His wallet had landed on the floor, probably why he hadn't missed it when he was leaving to retrieve his spare uniform from his apartment. Something caught his eye as he bent down to pick it up. The telephone was unplugged. Havoc slipped his wallet, which had lost all its importance, into his pocket then reached forward and plugged the phone back into the wall. He heard Roy's boot hit the floor loudly as he shifted nervously. Havoc didn't have to be the smartest person in the world to figure out why the phone was unplugged.

"So," Havoc said, "this is why I couldn't get a hold of you this morning."

"Mmm," Roy grunted. "Jean…about the other night…" He paused, and Havoc knew that Roy wanted him to stand up and turn around, but Havoc couldn't quite manage it. They hadn't mentioned the night where Roy chased Havoc down the street, and it had been six days ago. Havoc began to believe that they would never speak of it again. The late calls had stopped, now Havoc knew why, and, in addition, Roy became more affectionate, which Havoc had taken to mean more than an awkward conversation. Which Roy was starting.

"Why…" Havoc began, cleared his throat. "Why do you do this?" He finally convinced his legs to move. "Why don't you just ask him not to call so late?" He turned and slid his hands into his pockets to keep from showing how they trembled. Havoc was surprised when he met Roy's gaze and the Colonel looked away.

"What do you want me to say?" Roy asked quietly. "I did that for you."

"I know, Roy," Jean replied. He didn't want to insist that Roy drop his friends, especially not someone Roy cared so much about as Maes Hughes. In fact, Havoc was beginning to worry. Hughes was a married man, after all. Havoc watched Roy cross the room to his desk and shuffle some papers that had to return to the office. "Tell me why, please?"

Roy stiffened but spoke. "You know I'm sorry, Jean. I… asked him to call later, before I found that you… mean something to me. Hughes and I used to drink past midnight together. Sometimes… those conversations were the only thing that put me to sleep."

"Is that still how it is?" Havoc asked. "You need him to sleep?"

"No," Roy said. Havoc saw the struggle on his face and he saw Roy triumph as they finally met each other's eyes. "I can sleep with you here."

And for all that Havoc believed that he wasn't quickest at figuring things out, he understood Roy's confession immediately. Roy wasn't stoic but he had the same fears that Havoc had about this relationship of theirs. Roy was still reserved over the whole thing, and so Havoc hadn't pushed it, not until then, but it was worth it. Getting his first I love you from Roy was definitely worth it. He still didn't know what Roy would do about those late night calls, if Roy would do something besides unplug the phone, but they were already running late.


End file.
